O Que Aconteceria se Empresas Aéreas Vendessem Tinta?

Buying paint from a hardware store.

Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?

Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?

Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.

Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.

Buying paint from an airline.

Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.

Customer Depends on what?

Clerk: Well, there’s a lot of things.

Customer: How about just giving me an average price?

Clerk: Wow, that’s just too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 prices up to about $200 a gallon.

Customer: I’d like some of that $9 paint.

Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow which is my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: What!! When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 paint?

Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You’ve got to be kidding!

Clerk: Sir, we don’t kid around here. Of course, I would have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I could sell it to you.

Customer: You have shelves full of the stuff; I can see it right there. What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me?

Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn’t mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we only sell a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went to $12.

Customer: What!! You mean the price just went up while we were talking?!

Clerk: Yes sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven’t actually walked out the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: I don’t know exactly. I guess I will buy a little extra

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy the paint and then don’t use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: What!

Clerk: That’s right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall, and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs.

Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!

Clerk: There is no point in getting upset; that’s just the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the paint, as you have agreed to do, and when you don’t, it just causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don’t keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.

Customer: Well, that does it! I’m going to another company to buy my paint.

Clerk: That won’t do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Oh, and thanks for flying, er I mean painting with our airline.

Copyright Alan H. Hess, 1998. All rights reserved.